To do, or not to do. Yet.

“You need to know what you want.”

Well I do know what I want.

“No, what you want is impractical. So you should change what you want, compromise.”

Okay, so you are saying compromising will be worth it if I get to get married?

“Yes, you have to stop living in a fantasy and believe that you will get everything that you want.”

But, it’s not much that I am asking for. If I can be a sort of a person that I am, then why can’t I want to be with someone who is the way I want him to be.

“See, this is the kind of attitude that tells me that you don’t want to marry. Marriage is important and you have to get married. So just meet this person that i think is all-right and marry.”

It’s not like I don’t want to marry. I do. I want a companion, my own home, my own family, my own special someone to celebrate Valentine’s Day with, marriage anniversary with, those one odd ‘date-night’ with. But I don’t like the presumption that it is because I don’t want to marry is why I am still unmarried. So the reason that I said no to a boy because I did not like him or the reason that I said no to a guy because he was effeminate or the reason that I said no to the guy because I did not want to be a house wife are all wrong, because these reasons clearly point to me not wanting to get married. And after all, compromise is the rule of the day.

I used to wonder, and firmly believe, that I don’t want to marry. Now, I am not so sure. Actually, I’ll correct it. I want a companion for sure. And it has to be a somewhat romantic companionship. Someone who makes me like me, who I make better, who compliments me and who believes in those compliments. Someone to share the end of days’ talks with, to discuss politics with, to watch movies with, to stay quite with and just drink tea and read a novel with. I can do most of these things by myself also, and I have learned to do them too. But, it will be more palatable with a companion. So that I don’t get a forlorn feeling whenever I see others in a relationship around me. That, more than anything else, has made me realize how envious I am of these people. And that that is something I need to. I am not going to debate over what is the requirement and necessity of marriage. Whether its a societal norm or a necessity for existing. But I do understand the need for it; or maybe it’s merely a want.

But having said all of the above, I cannot yet compromise.