Sharbati Aankhein
Lets think of that man. The man who was my father and mother when mummy papa were not around. Who was more of a father because gigi did not always know how to help me. I dont know when the love started. I remember sitting with him while he was watching his TV and talking to him. How demanding i was. I would sit in front of him, with my back towards the TV and force him to switch off the TV or to divert his eyes from the TV and talk to me. I remember discussing gigi's inability to go for a trip because her parents were saying no to her, i remember discussing how disparity exists between boys and daughters, i remember discussing childish things which he would hear patiently. I remember that he used to not get angry. That the story that was told was that he has let go of his anger. I remember how badi mummy could not even look at him when she was talking to him. I remember his slow gait, his thin legs, his hands, his white cotton kurtas and dhoties, always dhoties, unless it was very cold, but otherwise always dhoties. Its been around 9 years now. Or maybe 8. I have lost so much time. I have so much to talk to him about. I might not have been able to talk to him about my true self, but he would have been the only person who would have understood me, as compared to my own father. The love that was showered on his granddaughter was much more open and accepting than that of a father.
I remember his kutra and the chunnat on the sleeves of those kurtas. The timely manner of everything. Lunch at 1 PM, then sleep untill 3 PM, the visit to mandir at around 5 PM, dinner at 7.30 - 8 PM, depending on the season and sleep by 11, after watching kyunki saas bhe kabhi bahu thee, earlier maybe some other series. He used to use rooms that were not used by other inhabitants of the house, the room on the new terrace in the winters because it would get all the sun and would get so hot. The way he used to arrange for a pot of mud to be kept next to his mother so that she could spit in it.
Oh it will go on and on. It wont stop, will it? When i got the job, the TATA one, i wanted to hear someone say babu would have been proud. Well, i dont know if he would have been or not. I would have just liked him to know that i got placed somewhere. I would have been able to discuss the fact that i am still single. I dont know, maybe had he been around, i wouldn't have been, he was the only one who could dominate papa. I still try and dispel papa's tensions and worries and stress for his sake, because he tasked me to do so and believed that only i could do that.
I do miss him. Who wouldn't? The man with such simple taste, with such simple yet comfortable life. I was lucky to hear his stories, to know from him about where he came from, how he was pampered, how he was the senior most batch and so was never bullied, how he used to eat paan and gutka too and that was close to getting cancer himself. He may not have been the smartest man or the most prosperous one of his brothers and relatives, but he was a kind man, an understanding man. A man who was the best grandfather to a wacky grandkid who was so lost in her family of dominating and sane persons. A person who saw her crying and knowing that he could do nothing to intervene, just came up to her, while she was sulking in the room and said from the door, "sharbati ankhein acchee lagtee hai tere pe" . Maybe that's why I miss him so much today. Sharbati Aankhein.
I remember his kutra and the chunnat on the sleeves of those kurtas. The timely manner of everything. Lunch at 1 PM, then sleep untill 3 PM, the visit to mandir at around 5 PM, dinner at 7.30 - 8 PM, depending on the season and sleep by 11, after watching kyunki saas bhe kabhi bahu thee, earlier maybe some other series. He used to use rooms that were not used by other inhabitants of the house, the room on the new terrace in the winters because it would get all the sun and would get so hot. The way he used to arrange for a pot of mud to be kept next to his mother so that she could spit in it.
Oh it will go on and on. It wont stop, will it? When i got the job, the TATA one, i wanted to hear someone say babu would have been proud. Well, i dont know if he would have been or not. I would have just liked him to know that i got placed somewhere. I would have been able to discuss the fact that i am still single. I dont know, maybe had he been around, i wouldn't have been, he was the only one who could dominate papa. I still try and dispel papa's tensions and worries and stress for his sake, because he tasked me to do so and believed that only i could do that.
I do miss him. Who wouldn't? The man with such simple taste, with such simple yet comfortable life. I was lucky to hear his stories, to know from him about where he came from, how he was pampered, how he was the senior most batch and so was never bullied, how he used to eat paan and gutka too and that was close to getting cancer himself. He may not have been the smartest man or the most prosperous one of his brothers and relatives, but he was a kind man, an understanding man. A man who was the best grandfather to a wacky grandkid who was so lost in her family of dominating and sane persons. A person who saw her crying and knowing that he could do nothing to intervene, just came up to her, while she was sulking in the room and said from the door, "sharbati ankhein acchee lagtee hai tere pe" . Maybe that's why I miss him so much today. Sharbati Aankhein.
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