I am scared, ok?!

Should I permit myself to fall in love. 

It will be so easy and also, its just chemistry. It’s not the look of it, its the feeling of it. It’s someone nice saying i miss you and that just melts my heart. Not going into the meaning for why i am being missed, they barely know me and we have not spent any time together, all we do is talk to each other for a few minutes everyday, to be available for each other once in a while for a few minutes to talk. It’s not what’s our aspirations in life, its more what funny thing i did yesterday. And mind you, when we talk like that, we are only putting our best foot forward and hiding the bad and the gory and the disgusting and the nasty. So, saying i miss you will make me fall in love but it would be the kind that is reciprocating to my own need of being wanted, which i am not getting in life from any other factor. 

Of course, the grander question is what exactly is love? What is that feeling that i am to get to make me change everything and move mountains and come and acknowledge them to be the “new” one. I like conventional and that is what they appear to be. But i present myself as someone who is unconventional and that is what they are seeing.

Anyway, all of this is moot. Cause the real question is should i even permit myself to love. Because if i do, then i am falling for the idea only as there is no other alternative to this analogy. It’s momentary, its fleeting, its happened once and it will happen several more times. All the more reason, i should!

Hahahahhaha

Okay, net net, please don’t say you miss me. For missing implies a pre-existing presence and there is no such per-existing presence.