Selfish

Can I call the finding of the love of my life my achievement? Or rather, can I call it an achievement at all?

I am 39 years old (who am I kidding, I am 40!) and despite being in several sort of relationships over the years, I continued to be non-committed till right before I turned 39 (okay fine, I shall call it 40 too!). And then, lo and behold, I turned 39 with the 40^th years of existence on this planet kicking in, there I went falling head over heels in love with this one person who in my grand scheme of things has turned out to be the most important person, but in the world's grand scheme of things is just another clog in the system (at this point, I don’t think I will ever make him read this, or maybe I will make him read this just for this line’s sake).

So here I am, falling in love and then being in love and then relishing in love and spending days and nights in being in love and forgetting about sleep and the essentials that I was looking for. “My work is in Delhi, I will never leave Delhi”, and I find a guy whose prospects of living in Delhi are 1 in 50. “No one will understand my way of lifestyle”, okay this one does understand. “The person has to have a house of his own” (so what if this was my father’s, it still applies), and this one will say, I don’t but you can be friends with my parents who have one. “I cant do long distance”, ahem!

And yet, despite the above and so many other random hiccups and problems and differences that the logical brain of mine can see and so can the logical brain of so many others around me (like my father, ahem, and my sis, huh), all I see is the love flowing in me for him, the warmth in my heart that spreads inside me whenever he talks to me, the absolute desire to spend every possible minute in his presence, even if he is doing something that I cannot participate in and vice versa. The feeling has no basis and yet it exists. It may be due to the loneliness of the past days and years, but that wont be correct, not in the real way, cause I did have friends and more and I was full in my life. It may be due to the fact that he is promising forever, but then that cant be too cause to begin with, when the feelings started to flow, there was no forever, there was just the desire to be with him. Can it be that biology and chemistry is finally working towards making sure that I procreate? Nah, that is practically not possible for me.

And so, here I am, despite all odds and events and logic and forewarning, in love with the person that I am in love with for the forever that remains after turning 39 (okay 40). It’s a big achievement for me cause I have overcome a lot to be with him. I have firstly only found him at the time when I somehow don’t have any work. I have found him when I cant imagine a day without talking to him (the 15 hour flight to Seattle is going to be a dread). I am ready and willing to change anything about the life that I had thought I could not change to make sure that I don’t spend it being away from him.

I have achieved a lot, I am finally letting someone love me wholeheartedly and am being supremely selfish all the time.

:D