Que sera, sera

I once decided to believe in god. I said to my self that either I can doubt the existence of god or accept it, but it cant be both. I cant be a believer and still doubt its existence. So I decided then and there to believe in God, without doubt. But that does not mean that I believe in the concept of the Gods that we pray, Ram, Krishna, and such other beings. I don’t have any opinion on their existence, whether they did exist or dint, does not matter to me. I have lately, however, been quite fascinated with the concept of Narayan. The being in whose thoughts we exist. The concept is so unfathomable that it borders on being ludicrous, and yet, I somehow can imagine that thought which led to us, or more importantly to me being where i am and being me.

So I believe in god. And if I do believe in god, then I have to believe in the good or the right, so to speak, of that god. The ability of that being to do what it wants for whomsoever it wants, be it good or bad, that is upto it. (I am not going into the whole existential question of why are we here and why is there so much pain in the world. Clearly my god is limited to me and can only deal with people like me, or maybe its the whole part of a bigger picture or maybe we are like playthings of that thought which created us and so we are doing whatever is the fancy of that thought, sort of like what the Gods did in Terry Pratchett's Discworld Gods) Good or bad is anyway our point of view. Not its, or I should say that the god can see much more than I can, so who am I to call it good or bad, when it might be something much bigger than mere good or bad.

I am not gonna go into whether I believe in fate, incarnation, karma (the last of which is just good advice on its own). But I do believe in my God. And it is that belief which today is helping me cope with what I am going though. Because my belief, today after so many days of unrest, tells me that whatever happens, happens on its own accord and there is nothing that I can do which would have made it different to what is meant to happen. And so, if I am meant to be where I am, I will be where I am irrespective of the path I take, the speed I take or the mode I take.  

And that is perfectly fine with me. As long as its guided by the God, its fine. Also it means that fighting it/ cribbing about it is useless. And I am fine with that too. 

As I re-read the above written post, it reads more and more Godly and less about what I am feeling. The purpose of what was written above was not to be preachy or to make myself a devout believer of God. It was rather to make me understand that I am where I am supposed to be. Be it good or bad from my point of view, it is where I am meant to be in the thought of the God that I believe in. And that is fine with me.