the delayed apology, or, lets clear the closet.

What will this apology do? Does it even matter anymore?

I think the answer to both of these will be in the negative. The apology is of no consequence any more. and it does not matter at all anymore.

But then, maybe I need to just clear my conscience. Did I know that I am causing you the amount of pain that I did cause you? Probably. I am not sure any more. But would I have changed my decision knowing then that it would tear you apart, shake your faith in my kind, shatter your belief in all that you thought to be settled and for forever? No, nothing would have changed my mind. Had I continued with what we had, I would have been miserable and I would have made you miserable. I would have made you cry the way I was told you cried. We would not have been able to survive long-term. We would have become more bitter, conniving, lying people. So, the decision was not wrong.

But maybe I did do wrong by you, by the manner in which I did what I did. I know I ought to have been honest from the get go. But, I wasn’t. I am trying to be honest now, but its still a struggle. For me to be able to say what is on my mind as opposed to the expectation of the other is always a point where I surrender to the latter than the former.

Coming back, without any excuses and explanations, I apologise. I am sorry for the hurt that was caused to you. I did know that hurt would be inevitable, but i did not fathom the extent of it. It was done for selfish reasons, to secure myself at any cost, and yes without any consideration for your sanity, your pain, your hurt, and I apologise for it all.

I apologize for the inconsiderate behavior and I humbly hope and pray (to whatever god that is out there) that what I did is forgotten and maybe one day forgiven.