Anger
I am seething with Anger. Its pouring out of my mouth, my mind, my actions. Rage is a very very dangerous thing and today i am full of it. I can understand today why when people get in Rage, they go to the extent of killing one another. its an absolute-no-control-over-your-senses zone. I ended up driving very fast and very rash, but i had no concern about my well fare or someone else's. i was just enraged and that was the only outlet i could find.
The incident which triggered this episode is nothing big or momentous. I was conned by the Petrol Pump Assistant into paying more than my fill. i realized the con, but felt incapable in countering their action and was also in a hurry. So, I left with only a bad word dedicated to them.
And then what followed was what was described above. After travelling some few kms away from the petrol pump, i felt like turning back and shouting at the petrol pump guys once again. i kept thinking about it almost the entire way, about ways i can complain or shout or abuse those guys. I thought, finally, that there must be some complaint lodging system and i would find that and file a complain. At least satiate some of my seething anger.
I tried to justify my actions at the Petrol Pump to myself, that i being just a girl, could not stand up to those goons who were conning me. I tried to justify that i was running late already and din't have the time to get into an altercation. i justified with myself that it was a matter of only Rs. 200 and i can let it go. But, it was difficult. Torn between being wronged and being a coward, the cowardice won and i just went away from the petrol pump with my rage and rash driving in tow.
I realize though that my rage was more due to my cowardly behavior than due to those guys who thought me to be a girl dumb enough to fool and swindle money from. My anger was also directed towards that kind of thinking and in knowing the fact that i failed to show them otherwise.
Anger, the word that has occupied whole of my day and my actions today, was nothing but a reflection of my in-capabilities or my shortcomings.
The incident which triggered this episode is nothing big or momentous. I was conned by the Petrol Pump Assistant into paying more than my fill. i realized the con, but felt incapable in countering their action and was also in a hurry. So, I left with only a bad word dedicated to them.
And then what followed was what was described above. After travelling some few kms away from the petrol pump, i felt like turning back and shouting at the petrol pump guys once again. i kept thinking about it almost the entire way, about ways i can complain or shout or abuse those guys. I thought, finally, that there must be some complaint lodging system and i would find that and file a complain. At least satiate some of my seething anger.
I tried to justify my actions at the Petrol Pump to myself, that i being just a girl, could not stand up to those goons who were conning me. I tried to justify that i was running late already and din't have the time to get into an altercation. i justified with myself that it was a matter of only Rs. 200 and i can let it go. But, it was difficult. Torn between being wronged and being a coward, the cowardice won and i just went away from the petrol pump with my rage and rash driving in tow.
I realize though that my rage was more due to my cowardly behavior than due to those guys who thought me to be a girl dumb enough to fool and swindle money from. My anger was also directed towards that kind of thinking and in knowing the fact that i failed to show them otherwise.
Anger, the word that has occupied whole of my day and my actions today, was nothing but a reflection of my in-capabilities or my shortcomings.
Comments
Post a Comment